Introduction To The Work
Welcome to Process Coaching and the journey of Healing to Wholeness. 'Process' is the dynamic, moment-by-moment experience of how we relate and move with our thoughts and feelings, and how we filter perceptions to create our experience of the world, our psychological-emotional process. Often process moves quite well, but sometimes we get 'stuck.' Getting unstuck can often be difficult on our own, so we look to the outside for a therapist or other kind of healer.
This work is called coaching' because it is not like therapy or other healing modalities in the sense that someone else does something that gets us unstuck or brings healing. Process Coaching clients and students learn easy tools to empower themselves to be their own self-practitioner. They become their own therapist, their own healer, manifesting more of who they truly are and having more of what they truly want in life.
'Healing to Wholeness' is almost redundant because the original root of 'heal' is a word that means 'make whole.' 'Healing' means bringing together parts that have been separated, as in the healing of a wound. 'Wholeness' means all of our parts working together in harmony as one whole being. This is in contrast to our present state of fragmentation. We all have missing parts or fragments of self that are not yet in connection with the rest of us.
Finding and reclaiming these lost parts is the crux of the healing work. Owning and taking responsibility for my experiences, including the well-being of all of my parts, is my job as the healer of my whole being.
Many parts of ourselves were lost in childhood. The conditioning of the culture and our own overarching need to survive convinced us early on that it's not a good idea to be a 'bad' boy or girl. In an effort to be loved and cared for, we jettisoned parts of ourselves that we feared would appear as 'bad' or 'wrong' to others, especially those upon whom our survival depended.
Our inner sense of 'goodness' has come at a high price - many lost parts of ourselves that are resourceless and unable to help themselves, but would come back to wholeness if we knew how to find and integrate them. Carl Jung, the great psychologist who pioneered the concept of the human 'shadow' once said, "I'd rather be whole than good." True goodness flows from wholeness, and wholeness of being is the goal of this work.
Even before childhood, in the womb and back before conception are places where traumas have occurred and damaged parts became lost. But the deepest traumas and most serious fragmentation of our beings began earlier still, in the transpersonal realm. 'Past lives' and similar metaphors, and especially the layers of being before manifestation are rich with incidents of trauma, deep suffering, and fragmentation. Even these more cosmic parts of ourselves are in need of healing—if we are to be truly whole.
Human beings are much larger and greater than the culture has led us to believe. We are huge beings who are capable of embodying the deepest and grandest elements of Deity. But for most of us, realizing our wholeness and divinity has been only a matter of glimpses.
The ability to heal to wholeness and remain whole is among our endowments and it's our greatest potential as beings. And because of who we really are in the depths of our true Selves... for humans, wholeness of Being is a big deal.
The material on this website is intended to accompany a class or workshop, the home study course, or individual coaching work. It's not meant to be a stand-alone book, but this doesn't mean that it can't be used in that way.
The central idea of process coaching is that the practitioner learns to use the frames and tools on their own, and these pages are a written version of the frames and tools. If you are using the material on this website without benefit of a class or sessions, please feel free to contact me if you have questions.
In many ways, this work is like other approaches to self-healing. However, it is also radically different in several fundamental areas.
Most of us haven't noticed fully the power of conditioning in shaping our sense of self and the world. The whispers of the culture have continually assured us that there is, in fact, an objective world, and each of us is a small part of it.
We've also been conditioned to believe that if there is something 'wrong,' someone must be at fault for it. Finding the culprit and punishing him or her has gone for 'justice,' as defined by the culture.
We continue to deepen our conditioning when we unconsciously (or consciously) see ourselves as the effect of another's cause, or use guilt to motivate ourselves or others. We've always seen it and done it this way, so why bother to question its effectiveness?
When the results of this approach have not been to our liking, we've increased the blame or guilt (and the consequent bad feelings), hoping that this time we'll be motivated enough to stop doing the 'wrong' thing and start doing the 'right' thing. Ouch.
Another sacred cow in both the dominant culture and the 'new age' is the notion of 'mind over matter.' We've tended to believe that our minds are smarter than our bodies and our emotions. So with our minds, we've attempted to take control so we can 'help' our feeling parts learn better ways of behaving. This has been especially true in technologies like NLP and hypnosis where we've tried to get the powerful unconscious mind to support the intentions of the conscious mind.
A fundamental premise of this work is that the emotions know what they need in order to heal and return to wholeness. Here it's mind's role to learn from the feelings what it can do to help. Mind (consciousness) in the service of feelings (sentience) spells a radical shift away from most other approaches to emotional healing.
Also worth noting; this healing work is 'anti-coping.' Coping is what we've learned to do in the face of emotional realities we've felt powerless to confront. Our conditioning has told us that coping is all we can do. So we've used medications, other drugs and alcohol, TV, exercise, meditation, blaming others, etc. to temporarily get us out of having to feel difficult emotions.
Unfortunately coping doesn't help us heal. Rather, it's a way of pushing the feelings away or avoiding them, and therefore a form of denial. The good news is that we don't have to stop coping before we can start healing. As the work progresses, a natural transition happens as true healing tools replace coping mechanisms.
There is an essential ingredient in any healing work involving bringing parts of ourselves back into wholeness - acceptance. Acceptance is like magic, it's the true healing balm. Acceptance of every part of ourselves and all of our feelings and experiences is what makes wholeness happen. And of course acceptance is the opposite of denial.
Although in the past we've denied or tried to push away unwanted feelings and the parts of us that have been feeling them, we now have tools that make it easy to find acceptance, and therefore to heal. When I come into acceptance of a feeling that in the past I haven't liked or wanted, the part of myself that has been holding that feeling is also accepted. And now it can now come back into wholeness.
An important aspect of this work is the development and support of a responsible, resourceful and loving healer within ourselves. The inner healer develops the resources and skills needed to find and rescue our lost parts from their suffering, and help them return to wholeness. Our ongoing healing to wholeness is a big job, a life's work.
These pages offer an overview of the basic tools necessary for getting 'unstuck' in any circumstance, and for emotional healing at the deepest levels of being. Reading about them can be helpful, but taking the time to learn and use them in daily life is much more helpful. The classes, workshops and sessions (and this website) are in support of the healer, the practitioner of the self-healing work. You become this to yourself as you practice.
My experience in this work has led me to understand that our complete healing to wholeness is inevitable, a foregone conclusion. Throughout my own healing journey the question I've been constantly asking is, "What is the quickest, easiest and least painful way of doing this?"
The frames and tools on this website are an answer to that question. They are not 'the' answer because ultimately you must develop your own ways and means of doing the healing work you've been entrusted with. My hope is that this material will be useful to you as a point of departure, as a help in developing your own approach. I'm very grateful to be able to share it with you now.