The Three Movements of Healing
There are three separate experiences that you as the Healer can create for yourself to get the most possible healing, learning and integration from any triggering situation. It's important to go through these movements in sequence; often there is a rush to resolve the issue by finding where we are at fault in the situation. "I was projecting," is an often-heard rationalization for the wounding that was experienced.
In the rush to resolution we can miss the second and most important movement of healing. If we skip over the part of ourselves that was hurt, we can deepen the wound in that part. However, following this sequence of movements, one at a time will enable you to heal all of the wounds that were triggered and maximize the healing potential of your work.
I. In the Moment of the Trigger, Get Out of the Way
The first movement comes suddenly, in the moment of a trigger. As soon as you realize you have been triggered, energetically get out of the way of the triggering person or event by going into Observer Position. In Observer Position you can see that although you have been triggered by the person or situation, you yourself are not the issue.
In this more objective state of observation you are free to not take what is happening personally. You can see, for instance, that the other person is having a problem. And although something you did or said may have triggered them, you can see that their problem is about them, and not about you.
If the moment of the trigger has already passed, then simply go on to the second movement of healing.
II. Love the Hurt Feelings, Love The Victim
The second movement comes later that day or the next day when you are feeling resourceful enough to be the Healer. Now go back over the triggering event retrospectively to find the feelings that were triggered so you can work with them. Remember the feelings, locate them in your body, and feel into them. These kinds of feelings are most often felt by a part of us that believes themselves to be the victim of whatever triggered them.
As the Healer, either love the feelings directly, fully integrating them. You can use whatever tool(s) from the Practitioner Manual like Judgment Release, Regression, Parts Work, Deep Practice, etc.) that feel right to help you bring unconditional loving acceptance to the feelings. Take whatever time is needed to feel this real love fully and completely, and allow the healing part time to integrate before going on to the next movement.
III. Own the Perpetrator
This movement happens at least a day or two later, after the part from step II feels fully integrated. Now you can begin to own the part of yourself that was projected onto the outer person or situation. As the resourceful Healer, you will 'peel' the projection of the perpetrator off of the triggering person(s) or situation.
In taking back the part of yourself you had been projecting out onto the world as a perpetrator that hurt you, you regain all of the life-force energy of that part. Also, realizing that the real perpetrator is within, actually a part of self, and then healing it into wholeness with the rest of you brings complete healing to the imprint. Here are the steps to owning the perpetrator:
1. Identify fully as the resourceful Healer. (If your inner resources need a boost, do the Anchoring Resources practice at the beginning of Repairing the Past.)
2. Ask yourself, "What is it that I don't like about the person or situation that triggered me?" The answer might be something like, "They lied to me," for instance. Note your answer to this question.
3. Next ask yourself, "How is it that... (the answer to # 2) is somehow like me, or some aspect of me, either present or past?"
4. Then ask yourself, "What would this part of me look like if it had its own body?"
5. Now follow the Parts Work outline and do whatever it takes to love this lost, 'shadow' part yourself into wholeness. You can use either the Core Desire Exploration or release judgments until you are able to love the part as it is. Any other practice that fosters your loving acceptance and integration of the part can be used as well. For instance, the Expressing! Practice or the Deep Practice can be useful here.
In using all these three movements we've gleaned the most healing possible from the triggering experience. We have avoided deepening the imprint, and we've lovingly integrated both the victim and the perpetrator. Once we fully own them both as valued parts of ourselves, they both disappear. There is no more victim, and no more perpetrator, only wholeness.
Healing the gap between victim and perpetrator is necessary before we can find true wholeness. When there is nothing left outside of self that is causal to any experience, we are truly whole. When both the victim and perpetrator are fully owned and loved, the imprinted trauma becomes completely resolved, and there is nothing left to draw this kind of triggering experience again.