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Core Desire Exploration

This inner dialogue process makes it easy for parts of the Self to come into integration and wholeness. Sometimes parts of ourselves act and feel as if they don't know what they really want, and finding its core desire can help the part become more clear about who it is and what it wants. Other times there can be a conflict between two or more parts that feel they want something different from the other(s).

Finding the core desire of each part is an easy way to resolve parts conflicts. Each part can be anchored, and then each part's core desire discovered. In this process the parts will find that their core desires are either the same or complementary to each other. Like all inner dialogue, the conversation is initiated by the parental healer part.

Here are the steps:


1. Identify an emotion, thought or behavior you would like to explore.

2. Locate the feeling associated with this in your body.

3. Consider this: since you didn't consciously generate this emotion, thought or behavior, it's as if some part of you generated it.

4. Even though you don't know the positive intention of the part, you can begin thanking the part for being here, because as a part of you, you can trust it has a positive intention.

5. Ask that part of you, "What do you want?"

6. Thank the part and ask that part of you, "When you have ______ (what is wanted) fully and completely, what is it that you get through having that, that's even deeper and more important?"

7. Repeat step 6 until you get to the core desire. You can know it is a Core Desire with the following clues:


a. You experience a major change of state, often showing relaxation and/or breathing changes.

b. It's a state of being (as opposed to doing or having), such as 'Beingness,' 'Freedom,' 'Wholeness,' 'Peace,' or 'Love.'

c. It's not dependent on others (like 'appreciation from others').

d. It's not reflexive (like 'loving myself').

e. It's not a specific feeling, such as 'confidence,' 'hope,' 'satisfaction,' 'courage,' etc.

f. When you do step 6 with the Core Desire, and you can go no further.


8. As the resourceful parental healer, give the part and its core desire your full acceptance, appreciation and encouragement.

9. If working with a parts conflict, repeat all the steps for the other part. When both parts' core desires are known, engage them both in inner dialogue about how they may work together to help each other fulfill their core desires.